My nephew, like most 8-year old little boys, is not a fan of school.  He loves his teachers, his friends, and his many “girl friends” (we have a young Romeo on our hands), but he does NOT like school work!  I asked him not long ago what his favorite part of the school day was, and he answered without hesitation, “Dismissal!”  So, you can imagine the copious amount of moaning and groaning I hear on the way to school every morning!  This morning, as we turned down the road to his school, he began tuning up the song he sings every morning that I call, “Pirate Cowboys Don’t Need To Learn Anything And That’s What I’m Going To Be When I Grow Up So Why Do I Have To Go To School And Do That Work?”  I can almost sing it along with him…only this morning, he added a new verse:

“I wish I was already a grown up.”

Ouch.  Just before I caught myself uttering the words my parents said to me when I was a kid and said the same thing…”Don’t wish your childhood away…one day you’ll wish you were a child again!”…I stopped and remembered how I felt at 8 years old and in 3rd grade singing a song every morning called, “I’m Going to Grow Up and Marry Donny Osmond And You Don’t Have To Know Multiplication Tables to Sing And Dance On TV So Why Do I Have To Learn Math?”

As educators, we are so caught up in winning “the game” that we forget who the real players are.  We are so busy studying data, checking standards off our list, researching effective strategies and best practices, that we lose sight of our purpose, which is to make sure our students are prepared to survive and thrive in the jungle that is our world today.  Sometimes, we just need to stop and remember what it was like to be a kid.  We need to remember the pressure and the struggles we faced as students, when we didn’t have the life experience to reassure us that the world wasn’t going to end when we failed a test or lost our homework, or when our secret crush started “going with” the pretty cheerleader, or when our best friend dumped us to hang out with the cool kids.  And we also need to keep in mind that even though the most basic struggles we faced as kids are still the same, children today have a whole new set of issues to deal with in the ever expanding world of technology and social media. Kids have to grow up too quickly these days.  We owe it to them to remember what it was like, and to show a little empathy and understanding as we guide them toward adulthood.

So, this morning, when Brady told me he wished he was an adult already, I didn’t say what first came to mind, because I understand something that he doesn’t…the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!  So, at the risk of eye-rolling and mumblings of “Whatever!” that are the hallmarks of middle school students, I’m going to share thirteen things I wish my students understood.

13.   Being an adult is really cool sometimes, but sometimes it really stinks!  Driving is cool.  And so is being able to stay out late, eat what you want, buy the things you want, and go where ever you want to go.  No one can tell you what to do, and there’s no homework!  But the reality is…none of those things are true, and none come without a price.  If you want nice things, a cool car, and enough food to eat, you have to have a good-paying job.  And having a job means coming in early so you can get a good night’s rest.  It means schedules and deadlines, sometimes homework, and a BOSS (i.e., someone who tells you what to do.)  Throw in a spouse and some kids one day, and the bills, responsibilities, and the stress pile up fast.  Being an adult is not all it’s cracked up to be.  Enjoy your childhood while it lasts.

12.  Remember the “magic” of Santa Clause?  You know, that same feeling you get when your crush smiles at you, or when you see that first snowflake of winter, or the anticipation of a first dance?  Hang on to it…it doesn’t last.  That feeling…that’s the good stuff.  It doesn’t matter how much money you make or how successful you become, you won’t ever be able to re-create that feeling.  That magic is the very essence of childhood itself.  Do yourself a favor and make those moments last as long as you can.  Breathe in the smell of a freshly-mown football field on Friday night.  Cling to the nervous thrill you get when he says hello to you from across the hallway.  Soak up the warmth of a bonfire on a cool autumn night.  Savor the thrill of the ball swishing through the net just as the buzzer sounds.  Capture every moment, so that when this old world starts wearing on you, you can remember the magic of childhood.

11.  I know more about you than you think I do.  What I’ve learned in 23 years in education is that teacher/student relationships are vitally important.  And in order for me to establish a relationship with you, I have to know things…what you’re interested in, what excites you, what bores you, what makes you work harder.  When it comes to my students, I’m not ashamed to say I’m a bit of a stalker.  I look at social media.  I know your parents.  I know where you live.  I know what goes on in your neighborhood.  I know who you hang with and where the “hot” spots are in town.  I’ve seen you walking the streets with your buds late at night after curfew and secretly I’ve tailed you to make sure you get safely to your destination.  I know that for many of you, life is, to say the least, difficult.  It’s my job to know all this.  Because, believe it or not, I do care.

10.  Your education really is important.  I’m not just blowing smoke when I tell you that it’s your key to a better life.  I’m not someone who thinks everyone must go to college.  I am someone, however, who thinks that everyone should have some kind of post-secondary training.  Remember in number 11, when I said that I knew life was difficult for many of you?  Guess what…it doesn’t always have to be that way.  But in order to change your destiny, you need skills.  Yes, we teach Reading and Math, Science and Social Studies, but we also teach the things that will last long after your memories of nouns, chemical reactions, equations and the Magna Carta have faded.  You need to learn how to think and reason, and to solve problems.  You need to know how to communicate, both verbally and through writing.  You need to know how to work with others, and to figure things out.  You need to learn the value of hard work and develop the stamina to stick with something until you’ve finished it and exceeded even your own expectations.  Don’t waste your time here.  I know what’s waiting on you in the real world.  And you have the chance to have a good life…a great life…if you become greedy for knowledge.  What they say is true…knowledge really is power.

9.  It’s ok to make mistakes.  Relax!  You’re a kid!  You’re supposed to mess up!  I’ve found that the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in life have come from the mistakes I’ve made.  Making mistakes or getting into trouble (every once in a while) doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or you are a failure, it just means you’re human!  Take advantage of the opportunity that mistakes give you…a chance to learn what doesn’t work, or what not to do…so you can make better choices next time.  Which leads me to…

8.  Life is all about choices.  Let’s face it…there are really only a handful of things that are NOT choices, like eating food and drinking water, sleeping, etc.  Those are things you must do if you want to stay alive.  But everything else…and I mean, everything else…in life is a choice.  I know, I know…you don’t think you have a choice in a lot of things at this age, but you really do.  Right now, you don’t think you have a choice about going to school, minding your parents, and obeying the law, but you really do.  You really CHOOSE to do those things because you don’t want to face the consequences if you don’t.  See, that’s the thing about choices…they always come with consequences, good or bad.  And it’s the choices you make right now, and their resulting consequences, that will shape your future.  The people you choose to hang out with, the activities you choose to participate in, the words you choose to say, the attitude you choose to have…all of those things have far reaching consequences.  The key to making the right choices is wisdom.  And wisdom is developed through life experiences and (see #6) making mistakes.  Essentially, then, wisdom is something you haven’t had the chance to develop yet in the few short years you’ve been on this Earth.  So you better get busy living life, making mistakes, and gaining wisdom, because YOU are the vehicle of your own destiny, and the choices you make will drive your future.

7.  When I say I’ve been there and done that, be assured I’ve been there and done that.  Contrary to popular belief, it’s not been that long since I’ve been a kid.  Well, then again…uh, let’s just say I have a really good memory!  All those above mentioned mistakes and bad choices?  There’s not many of them I haven’t made, or been tempted to make, myself.  And those I didn’t make myself, I watched others make.  Know why I don’t buy that excuse about why you failed that test?  Know how I know what you did at that party last weekend?  Know how I know how it feels to be teased and bullied, or to have my heart broken by some boy?  You may not have the life experiences that give you the wisdom to handle your problems or make the best choices, but I do.  Listen to what I’m telling you!  I can help make your path straighter, if you’ll allow me to.

6.  Play while you have the chance.  Make it a point every day to live your life to the fullest.  Get involved.  Go places.  Do things.  On average, kids have about 20 years to “play” before life begins in earnest.  Blink twice, and those years are gone.  So right now, hug your friends.  Read a book.  Take a nap.  Paint a picture, sing a song, dance like nobody’s watching.  Go to parties (but make good choices!), attend athletic events, support your team, MAKE MEMORIES!

5.  Don’t be afraid to be ALONE.  Let’s face it…middle school is a time of constant change.  It’s a time of exploration, a time to broaden your horizons, a time to learn who you truly are.  This is a great thing, but it can be scary.  Your body is changing, your friends are changing, your interests are changing, you feel like an emotional wreck about three fourths of the time (and the other fourth of the time you’re just angry), your parents think an alien has taken over your body, and you are wondering when they got so DUMB!  And to make matters worse, your life-long friends don’t like you anymore.  I know your mind is in a whirlwind and it seems like you are being sucked under.  It’s at times like these that solitude becomes your best friend.  Don’t be afraid to take the solitary path every once in a while.  You don’t have to be part of a group.  It’s ok to be an independent person.  When you become comfortable being your own best friend, people will want to be friends with you, too.  Take it easy.  Your friends will come around.  And if they don’t, new ones will come in to your life.  Right now, just enjoy the peace and quiet!

4.  Follow the Golden Rule.  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  There’s a reason that’s referred to as the “golden” rule.  That’s money, folks.  The most successful people always remember to treat others well.  I could go on with the idioms (are you listening in Language Arts?) all day.  “Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.”  “You will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”  “Pretty is as pretty does.”  In plain language, the Golden Rule simply means to treat other people the way you want to be treated.  In folklore, there’s this philosophy called “The Rule of Three.” It says that whatever you put out into this world comes back to you times three.  Put anger, hurt, and cruelty into the world, and you will suffer those things three times worse.  But if you act with kindness, tolerance, and love, you will receive three times as much kindness, tolerance, and love in return.  In the race of life, you ALWAYS win by putting others first.

3.  Always be willing to work harder than the person next to you.   Don’t get lazy.  And don’t ever settle for “good enough.”  There’s an old hunter’s tale that I find to be amusingly true:  When you are being chased by a bear, don’t worry about outrunning the bear.  Worry about outrunning the person in front of you!  As someone charged with selecting only the best teacher candidates for my students, I know what it takes to be a success.  When I interview an applicant, I know that my decision will be the number one influencing factor in my students’ success.  I don’t just look for someone who is knowledgeable or who loves kids.  I look for someone who is willing to go the extra mile, someone who has a great attendance record, someone who has kept up with all the latest trends in education, someone whose references say they are determined, dedicated, and not afraid of a challenge and definitely not afraid to work hard.  That’s what employers today are looking for.  And you don’t have to be the best at everything you do every single day.  You only have to be better than the person sitting next to you, OR the person you see in the mirror.  Sometimes the bear you have to outrun…is you.

2.  Follow YOUR dreams.  Right now, in middle school, you don’t really have a clue what you want to do with the rest of your life.  That’s why it’s so important to get out there, become involved and experience things so that you begin to gain some idea of what interests you.  Your parents want you to have a better life than they did…all parents feel that way.  And they have ideas about what they want FOR you.  But bottom line…it’s your life.  You will never be happy unless you find your passion.  Middle school is the time to try different things, so get out there and find what you are passionate about!  This may be a cliche’, but it’s so true…if you can find a job that you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.  In other words, once you find your passion, going to work won’t be like going to work…it will be a joy!  I’m so glad I’m doing what I love!  I’m not going to tell you that every day is a holiday, because it’s certainly not!  (Some of you lil’ stinkers have made it your mission to ensure I’m challenged every day!)  But I truly love what I do.  Which leads me to my number one point…

1.  Love hard.  Love people.  Love life.  Love learning.  Love yourself.  Just love.  Unconditionally and without exception.  Like I love each and everyone of you.  Know why I tell you I love you after I’ve spent the last 15 minutes chewing you out?  Because I do.  Know why I send you to In-School Suspension and then come check on you and tell you I still love you?  Because I do.  Know why I call your parents and tattle on you then hug you and tell you I love you?  Because I do.  Know why?  Because you’re mine.  And you’ll always be my kids.  And you make me very, very happy.  Even when you’re very, very bad!  And I hope you know what when you come to see me ten years from now, or when I see you in town, or have your children in my classes, that I’ll still love you.  And I hope you’ll still love me, too.